Marge, we do not control the show. Most of the time, we are physically awake, but unaware of so much. That is our initial condition. The shock of death awakens us and that is when we can ask for help as it seems you are trying to do. I say ":trying" because you say, "I do not understand..." rather than, "I would like to understand..." and then follow with yet another desire mere moments after you acknowledged that you were "always the other direction." Well, then, stop. Find a temple in which you feel comforted and ask for help. Otherwise, you are just making plans to run around some more. You cannot "do for others" until you can do for yourself. Ask for, and receive help, for yourself, and THEN you can ask for, and receive help, for others. Best wishes, Eric
Grief communication occurs in grief-stricken people, through their emotions , actions, and words. Kübler-Ross placed much emphasis on communication. When a person is approaching death and is going through the five stages of her model she believed that person wanted to review their life, the illness they have, and their imminent death. When a patient and physician could discuss this courageously and candidly a good death would be possible. [ dubious – discuss ] This model and her thoughts are influential to health care providers; it provides guidance to approaching and interacting with people experiencing grief.
In February 2006, after months of treating and hoping, watching and waiting, I lost a beloved horse partner. The condition that ultimately took her life was a chronic and insidious one that required constant research, nursing, and crisis management. Those many months of care were both labor- and cash-intensive, requiring me to orbit around her in an effort to meet her every need. So the day my mare died, I left the barn with a feeling so empty it defied description. I was rudderless and drifting without my horse. She had given my days form and routine—she had given me a new understanding of the word “commitment.”